The Terrible 4

Just a little rant, today is already 10th Jan and I've pictured in my mind before that I'll start to write about wonderful things in 2014, my wishlist and whatnot. Flowers and sunshines.

But.. life is not like that. It's unpredictable and you can't have everything your way. So yeah, I started my 2014 with lots of mundane colors. The kids were unwell (they are better today, Alhamdulillah), Zahra refused to go to school and she will cry every morning saying "Zahra tanak mommy workkkkkk!!!", Emir been vomiting every day..not the serious one though, just when he cries because of the phlegm, both refused to eat (which I find very irritating and devastating at the same time). Sigh... I never imagine my first week of new year can be this challenging.

Ok...so after the stressful nights and the slapping incident, I decided to cool down and reflect myself. The kids didn't make it easier though. Zahra still crying crying crying most of the time. Not exactly crying..u know, merengek, buat bunyi aaaa..aaaa..aaaaaaa..macam menangis but not really crying. So irritating!! Every little thing tak kena. If MrComot makes her milk, she said tanak daddy buatttt..nak mommy buatttttt! Then after I buat, tanak panassss nak sejukkkk. Then after I sejukkan sikit, nak panas sikitttttttt. After dah panaskan balik she will say tak cukup tangannnn nak pegang botol susu. Haishhh u know la..it never ends.

But I grit my teeth, hold my breathe and do the slapping scenes in my head only. Not on her. I succeed so far and very proud of myself (haha! ok not funny).

Back to the main thing, I just found out that there are this condition called Terrible 4!!!! I never heard of it. I mean, terrible 2 ye la..but terrible 4 pun ada?

You’re neck deep in the 4’s.  It’s sound a bit ridiculous at first.  I mean how much grief could a pint size kid give you?  You quickly find out.  At the age of 4, children have developed enough speech skills to communicate what they want, and don’t want.

Suddenly your child, who used cry when they were unhappy and could be consoled with a hug or a time out, can talk back.  Those looks you’ve mastered are now falling onto blind eyes.  They are defiant, testing and smart! Books say that children at this age should be testing boundaries.

Full article can be found here: -http://negotiationboard.com/the-terrible-4s/

And yes, the hardest time will be when we parted at school. She will cling on my neck and refused to let go and cryyyyyyy and said "Zahra tanak mommy workkkk" repeatedly.

I reasoned, bribed, promised, threatened, semua tak jalan

Mommy have to go to work
Mommy tak payah pegi workkkk (wailing)
Kalau mommy tak work, macam mana mommy nak beli kinder surprise
Biar saja..Zahra tanak kinder supriseeeee (wailing)
Ok but we still need food to eat
Biar saja..tak payah makannnnn (wailing)
Nanti boss mommy marah
Biar saja...zahra nak duduk dengan mommyyyyy (wailing)
Ok Zahra you have option either I go nicely or I just leave u here just like that
Zahra tanak mommy pegi workkkkkkkk (wailing and pulling my dress)

Ada one time she hits me ok, because she was so disappointed. So now tell me, how am I supposed to go to work..happily :(

Anyway, the article knocked me some sense and I've been calmer ever since..no more raising voice, no more angry face, and no more hitting of course. There got some tips there. Go read it!

Ohh sometimes how I wish I just quit my job and stay at home with the kids. But..I'm not there yet. Maybe soon, 2-3 years time. Just a maybe though. Sigh..

Sigh

I was mad with my daughter because she was uncontrollable and keep on crying and slapped her last night.

I wish I didn't, but I don't know how to control this anger. And as usual, I will feel upset after that. Very upset.

Anyway, I've come to an idea! If I ever feel that way again (to slap, to hit, to get angry, etc), I will slap myself first. To wake up myself and remember, your kids don't like the mom to be a monster.

Grrr..very upset with myself now!

One of the days..

I had this gastric attack few weeks ago which is really weird because I've never had gastritis after my last treatment in 2006. It was very bad that I vomit every 2 hours even when there is no food in the stomach, up to an extent I thought I am pregnant!

But I know I am not, so I went to see the doctor.

It started well, telling her that I got stomach pain, been vomiting like crazy, did some pregnancy test which came out negative and suddenly I burst out crying. Right in front of the doctor.

I don't know what came into me but I just feel like crying. I feel so weak and so in pain. And I feel so hopeless because I am in pain. You got me? I hardly fell sick it the sickness is making me so upset.

Started from the stomach pain, it has become a psychology session. I am on emotional turmoil and been pouring down my life to the doctor.

I told her that I am so tired with my life right now. With all the traffic jam and all. So basically this is how our life every day.

7-am : send the kids to babysitter, go to work, reach around 830 - 1 1/2 hrs journey
working
630 pm : pickup the kids, go back home, reach at MIL's around 8pm - another 1 1/2 hrs journey
have solat, dinner, feed the kids dinner
930 pm : go back home
10 pm : readied the kids..sampai rumah je they want to play first. then brush teeth, wash up a bit, clean myself, pray and stuff, it's almost 12am before we hit the sack.

Every.single.day

Then it hits me that I am freaking tired of it.

I don't think that we have quality life anymore. I want a life where I get to be on the bed with the kids at 10pm max, read them story book, or teach them quran during maghrib. A simple life but fulfilling.

Then I even mention that I've been breastfeeding for 3 years non-stop, not that I feel it's a burden, it's just I am so tired.

I tried some multivits and supplement, but it just doesn't work.

Weekend is fine because I call up the weekly maid to clean up the house, so basically I don't do any house chores, it is just I am so tired with the weekdays routine. I want to do more in my life than being a robot, you know.

The doc keep on giving me tissue paper and smile "I understand. I've been there too. With 2 small kids"

Then the session goes on and on and she concludes that I got the gastric because I am stress! Apparently the more stress you are, the more acidic your stomach will be. Hahahaha.

Ok..so we discuss my problem, brainstorming ideas to how to tackle it, to make my life better, etc etc.

She gave me an MC for me to go shopping to wind out my mind. But I spend the whole day sleeping! How I wish I can go shopping but my stomach still hurt very much that day.

Anyway the next day, I woke up fresher than ever. I know what I want in my life now!

To get a maid!

Hahaha. Ok seriously, I am considering to have a maid. I can't afford to reach home at 10pm anymore and be a zombie.

Or maybe I should quit my job and be a full time housewife. That will be my most wanted job!!! But deep inside I still tak berani. I still want to work and make money. Sigh. I know, selfish. Double sigh.

God..show me the way!

Lipat baju

Banyaknya baju yg kena lipat, and tgh sidai untuk dilipat. Rasa mcm nak nanges (haha drama sangat but that's how i feel). Kalau x lipat, x cukup pulak utk bawak ke babysitter.

Sobs..


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The Pain is coming back :(

I was about to update on happy things today but something unexpected happens.

I got my menses back! What the ...

I've been menses free for 18 months and now is the time to say Hello best friend! I don't mind if it's normal one, but mine pretty hurtful for the first 2 days. It feels like the womb is scrunching and tell you what, sometimes I coudn't take it that I have to pop panadol menstrual. There was one time I had an outing with my friends, and I have to excuse myself to the ladies because I feel so nauseating and about to faint and guess what, I blackout in the toilet ok! For about an hour I guess. When I was back to the world, the cleaner lady already knocking the toilet door asking who's inside. And people said the pain will go away once you gave birth, how wrong are they! Now I'm starting to feel the tightening and mild pain already :(

I know there are some mommies who don't have their menses until they have 3 kids! How I wish I am like that.

Oklah..gotta calm myself first. Still can't accept this :(

Klinik Komuniti

I want to write about my first experience with government clinic specialized for mommy and children. I heard so many good rumour about this Klinik Ibu dan Anak like they know how to handle babies better, they check on mommy's health as well, etc, so we skipped the panel clinic and made an appointment with Klinik Komuniti Ibu dan Anak Kg Melayu Subang (it depends on which area you live) for Zahra's first jab.

Our appointment was at 2pm and we arrived around 1.45pm, punched the number and there were already 20 people ahead us waiting. This clinic is one of the new branches but it's kinda shabby, maybe it's the way government operate.

People waiting

This is a breasfeeding friendly clinic so there is a sign written that we are not allowed to bring bottle inside. If you have to bf ur child, there is a bf room.

I don't remember what time our number being called but the process is very..hmm..long and tedious.

First they call up my name and I have to weight myself and tell the nurse how much, then I have to bring Zahra to a room next by to weight and measure her. During the weighing, Zahra has to be naked, like totally, without the diaper and all. Dah la dia berakkkk time tu, so has to wash in front of the nurses (luckily I brought the baby wipes and extra pampers). After that I have to put my card/the document in the basket in front of room #6 which is like at the other side of the area, not that far, only mengagau jugak la cari. Then wait for my name to be called again, and they took my blood sample, and I have to send the sample to the blood lab. Then the lab gave me a plastic cup for me to urinate, and after they test on the sample, call out my name, I have to take back the cup and throw the urine in the toilet, wash the cup and bring it back to the counter for them to reuse. I was like...???!?!?. In fact I saw a mommy just throw the cup inside the thrash bin in the toilet. Now why I didn't that..haiiihhh

After that, I have to bring my blood and urine result back to room #3 and wait, then they call up, I went in with Zahra and there is a nurse waiting for me, and DO NOTHING. Just chatting, asking me questions like how's Zahra, bf or not, and other cakap kosong, it is like they are stalling the situation, just imagine until Zahra gets cranky and wants to drink, and I have to bf in front of the nurses. My theory is, they want to see if I really bf Zahra or not because the nurse jot down something about me bf Zahra. Weird kan? Then she requests me to call up MrComot to take Zahra to other room for injection and me have to wait in the room for mommy's checkup. At this point I was very excited already, because I was thinking, finally! They can check my womb ok ke tak (this is before I went to see the tukang urut).

And you know what, all she asked me to do was, lie down, then she press2 my womb area and said everything is fine. That's it? That's it? I mean, I was hoping there is a machine with monitor that can SCAN my womb/stomach and whatnot.

And for the blood test, all they check is my hemoglobin level. Laaa...

After that, I walked out from the room and saw MrComot holding Zahra. The injection is done! Without me! And the camera was with me! Laaaa.... again!

Can you see how tedious it is? Especially the urine part. And the result? I mean, apa je I get? I thought check gempak2 la..

Mini playground for kids

Me playing with Zahra as she starting to ngek-ngek-ngek. (Auntie Rena, that's ur hooded blanket she's wearing!)

There is inside joke about this during my confinement where people around me FORCING me to feed Zahra with water.

The outside counter to weigh mommies

We finished everything around 4pm, not too bad for a government clinic but I think this will be our last time there. Since they only open on weekdays, we have to take leave and all. We can't afford the time yet. The second jab was done at private clinic near my house and only took us 30mins.

Again, I'm not complaining about the time sangat, I was disappointed on the checking part. I thought there will more than that. And also the fact that I have to do everything! Take my result give it to that counter, take this take that, give this give that. It is soo unsystematic. Thank God my mom accompany us. My mom helped to to carry Zahra all the time, thanks mommy *sobs*. If I was alone (even with MrComot still not enough), I can pengsan ok! Have to walk here and there and I am only 30 days after giving birth, not that strong. That day jalan sikit pun dah rasa penat sangat.

The only plus point is, it is FOC.

Stress is word of the day

Hi all,

I know I've been missing quite sometimes and haven't finished my entries on Japan trip yet. The truth is, I am in the middle of battling with some issues and it's making me stressed out.

Seriously I'm stressed out! I've never been this stress and siap cried teresak2 last night. Anyway I'll share everything when I'm composed enough to write ok.

I've missed my blog and writing this short entry does lift some stress off me.

I'll write more when I'm ready ok. Love you all. Take care and big mwah from me :*