Sometimes, some things are not meant to be

Remember when I said we want a very simple wedding? Somehow, I see my dream wedding gone ashes *sobs*


Last two weeks, one of MrComot's auntie called him up and said something like this

"You have to meet auntie. Regarding your wedding. Very Urgent. Bring your Aan as well"

MrComot was very annoyed because whenever he asked what is it, the auntie refused to say, only "We have to meet eye to eye".

We are very busy. With the painting, the house, lights to install, power point to make. We only have weekends and it's not enough.

So finally, at 530pm last Saturday after we finished all the painting, we went to see the aunties (2 of them).

So apa yg urgent sangat kan?

Auntie P: We want you to do the hantaran.

I was like, helooooooooooo?

Hmm you see.. Actually I can expect this thing will come up already. So, I already preparing myself to face the emotional attack. I just met them like, 3 times kut? So we are not actually that close.

They are 70++ years old. And speak english ok. So I keep reminding myself

1) Talk softly
2) Don't be rude
3) Choose my words very carefully
4) At the same time, be firm with what I want

I can't recall the conversation sequences but it revolves around like this:

Auntie P: How come you don't want to do this. It's a MUST. You have to do it
MrComot: Mana ada cakap wajib? Who says? Dalam Al-Quran takde pun
Auntie P: Mmg tak ada. But have to do to it. These 3 must have. Quran, sejadah, and telekung. If you don't want to do the others them ok. Just these three.
MrComot: Then ok, if we have to give Aan like that, just give, no need dulang-dulang
Auntie P: Tak boleh! Must put in dulang. It has to be presentable. It is adat.
MrComot: Seee. Now you are saying it. It is just only adat right? Bukan tak sah pun my akad nanti.

His tone dah a bit rude to me so I interrupted

Me: Auntie P, I know all of this..adat and everything. I know other wedding do this. But the thing is, the parents have met, and we HAVE DECIDED. It was my idea to do like this and I would like my wedding to me very simple and intimate. My parents pun agreed
Auntie P: Ya, you can do it simple. But kena ada jugak. Then you do it simple la. If you really don't want it, it's ok, BUT we still we'll give to you.
Me: Ok so kalau mcm tu, MrComot will give them to me, and I don't have to give him anything la kan?
Auntie K: Tak jugak..normally it is odd number. So the girl will be 5.
MrComot: So IT IS HANTARAN lah!!

......

MrComot: Ok, so kalau mcm tu just pack all the three, quran, telekung, and sejadah, and just give to her, no need dulang-dulang.
Auntie P: No, you need to the dulang-dulang too! Else people will talk
MrComot: Who will talk? Gimme names
Auntie P: People la. Kadi will also talk too.
Me: Auntie, we know about this, but we know what we want, and we don't care what will people say
Auntie K: Ya but you are my nephew and we like you and we don't want this happen. Both of you the eldest in the family. This has to be proper

Tiba-tiba I CRIED okkkkkkkkkk

Uwaaaaaaaaa... I don't know what I am such a crybaby. But at that time, I feel so sad and frustrated. I've been holding this proud feeling - NO having hantaran for my wedding, and suddenly everything is crushed, to pieces. And I ain't see it coming before.

Takde la I nanges teresak-esak. Just the tears flowing down my cheeks.

Me: Sorry, sorry. Bukan sengaja but I don't know why I cry pun.

Thank God the aunties acted profesionally (or either they don't care *hiks*), they just act like nothing happen.

And the 'discussion' went on and on and all until we finished our defense.

I see no chance at all to break their wish so I decided to discuss it betul2.

Me: Ok..so let say we do it, MrComot will give me three which will be Quran, telekung, and sejadah kan? So I will give him 5 right?
Auntie P: Yup, tapi ada sirih junjung, cincin and mahar. That one not included in the three.
Me: So it will be more dulang????

Hmm after all it is HANTARAN. Cakap punya la pusing2. Ughhh I hate it so much.

But I don't blame them at all. They are retiree with restless hands. They have the expertise to do the gubahan and they even keep the silverware okkkkk!!! Siap tanya what is our theme color and dah plan to do crystals la apa la. They have a STORE full of that thing! *sigh*

Now I understand why they want it so bad.

Oh did I mention they siap discuss on how to do my mahar (dowry)? They say roses will be nice, and they plan to FRAME IT so that I can hang it at the wall and keep it as kenangan forever and ever. Like, WTH?

And they will do the sirih junjung sendiri okkkk!! Talking about kemahiran hidup. Hah!

Btw, we agreed that we will give them things, and they will do it for MrComot and ME which will be wait..nak kira..

MrComot - 3 dulang
Me - 5 dulang
sirih junjung - 2 dulang
cincin - 2 dulang
mahar - 1 dulang

So they will do ALL 13 dulang okkkk.

I DON'T WANT TO MENYUSAHKAN DIRI SENDIRI or my mom to do it.

Kan I already said I don't want it?

Btw, I've asked the auntie so many time,

Me: Auntie, I want to ask seriously and secara jujur, if auntie help me to do my portion, will you guys or other people will talk behind? Like my mom not bothered ke apa ke
Both Aunties: We won't!!!! We want you to do it, so we will do it fo you. And siapa tahu about this? People won't know. We will send the dulang earlier to the house.

OK. I-DON'T-CARE-PEOPLE-TALK-BEHIND-ABOUT-MY-WEDDING.

It's my wedding okkk. Suka hati la nak kawen cowboy ke apa ke kan? I want it that way. Because I want it like that. I am an adult, I know what I want. Not that I am not sure or half hearted or whatever.

Anyway, I've talked to my mom also about this. My mom said buat je la as long as they are happy. And MrComot's mom being very supportive too. She said, tell your mom don't worry as it isn't me who want this, but the aunties.

Me: Ma, tanya betul2 la kan..Mmg la aunties tu cakap they won't talk behind, but kata lah later2 they said ma tak kisah and tak peduli pasal hantaran bahagian kita, mama kecik hati tak?
Mama: Kata lahh nak kata apa pun. Bukan jadi kudis kat kita pun

Wahhhhhhhhhhhh my mom sempoi habis kan??

So it is decided then. We'll do the hantaran. No, the aunties will do the hantaran. And we will not 'kacau' them at all. I mean, won't check nice or not, will not tell them how we want it to be. Alang2 they nak buat kan, let them have fun with it and saviour the moment.

And to smoothen the wound (haha over), we will not think of it as hantaran. It will be present from them to us, and a present from us to them. This is the least we can do to make everybody happy. And we'll be more happy to see them happy.


I know they meant well, but respecting other's decision should come first kan? haha emo balik.