Monday, September 8, 2008

Sometimes, some things are not meant to be

Remember when I said we want a very simple wedding? Somehow, I see my dream wedding gone ashes *sobs*


Last two weeks, one of MrComot's auntie called him up and said something like this

"You have to meet auntie. Regarding your wedding. Very Urgent. Bring your Aan as well"

MrComot was very annoyed because whenever he asked what is it, the auntie refused to say, only "We have to meet eye to eye".

We are very busy. With the painting, the house, lights to install, power point to make. We only have weekends and it's not enough.

So finally, at 530pm last Saturday after we finished all the painting, we went to see the aunties (2 of them).

So apa yg urgent sangat kan?

Auntie P: We want you to do the hantaran.

I was like, helooooooooooo?

Hmm you see.. Actually I can expect this thing will come up already. So, I already preparing myself to face the emotional attack. I just met them like, 3 times kut? So we are not actually that close.

They are 70++ years old. And speak english ok. So I keep reminding myself

1) Talk softly
2) Don't be rude
3) Choose my words very carefully
4) At the same time, be firm with what I want

I can't recall the conversation sequences but it revolves around like this:

Auntie P: How come you don't want to do this. It's a MUST. You have to do it
MrComot: Mana ada cakap wajib? Who says? Dalam Al-Quran takde pun
Auntie P: Mmg tak ada. But have to do to it. These 3 must have. Quran, sejadah, and telekung. If you don't want to do the others them ok. Just these three.
MrComot: Then ok, if we have to give Aan like that, just give, no need dulang-dulang
Auntie P: Tak boleh! Must put in dulang. It has to be presentable. It is adat.
MrComot: Seee. Now you are saying it. It is just only adat right? Bukan tak sah pun my akad nanti.

His tone dah a bit rude to me so I interrupted

Me: Auntie P, I know all of this..adat and everything. I know other wedding do this. But the thing is, the parents have met, and we HAVE DECIDED. It was my idea to do like this and I would like my wedding to me very simple and intimate. My parents pun agreed
Auntie P: Ya, you can do it simple. But kena ada jugak. Then you do it simple la. If you really don't want it, it's ok, BUT we still we'll give to you.
Me: Ok so kalau mcm tu, MrComot will give them to me, and I don't have to give him anything la kan?
Auntie K: Tak jugak..normally it is odd number. So the girl will be 5.
MrComot: So IT IS HANTARAN lah!!

......

MrComot: Ok, so kalau mcm tu just pack all the three, quran, telekung, and sejadah, and just give to her, no need dulang-dulang.
Auntie P: No, you need to the dulang-dulang too! Else people will talk
MrComot: Who will talk? Gimme names
Auntie P: People la. Kadi will also talk too.
Me: Auntie, we know about this, but we know what we want, and we don't care what will people say
Auntie K: Ya but you are my nephew and we like you and we don't want this happen. Both of you the eldest in the family. This has to be proper

Tiba-tiba I CRIED okkkkkkkkkk

Uwaaaaaaaaa... I don't know what I am such a crybaby. But at that time, I feel so sad and frustrated. I've been holding this proud feeling - NO having hantaran for my wedding, and suddenly everything is crushed, to pieces. And I ain't see it coming before.

Takde la I nanges teresak-esak. Just the tears flowing down my cheeks.

Me: Sorry, sorry. Bukan sengaja but I don't know why I cry pun.

Thank God the aunties acted profesionally (or either they don't care *hiks*), they just act like nothing happen.

And the 'discussion' went on and on and all until we finished our defense.

I see no chance at all to break their wish so I decided to discuss it betul2.

Me: Ok..so let say we do it, MrComot will give me three which will be Quran, telekung, and sejadah kan? So I will give him 5 right?
Auntie P: Yup, tapi ada sirih junjung, cincin and mahar. That one not included in the three.
Me: So it will be more dulang????

Hmm after all it is HANTARAN. Cakap punya la pusing2. Ughhh I hate it so much.

But I don't blame them at all. They are retiree with restless hands. They have the expertise to do the gubahan and they even keep the silverware okkkkk!!! Siap tanya what is our theme color and dah plan to do crystals la apa la. They have a STORE full of that thing! *sigh*

Now I understand why they want it so bad.

Oh did I mention they siap discuss on how to do my mahar (dowry)? They say roses will be nice, and they plan to FRAME IT so that I can hang it at the wall and keep it as kenangan forever and ever. Like, WTH?

And they will do the sirih junjung sendiri okkkk!! Talking about kemahiran hidup. Hah!

Btw, we agreed that we will give them things, and they will do it for MrComot and ME which will be wait..nak kira..

MrComot - 3 dulang
Me - 5 dulang
sirih junjung - 2 dulang
cincin - 2 dulang
mahar - 1 dulang

So they will do ALL 13 dulang okkkk.

I DON'T WANT TO MENYUSAHKAN DIRI SENDIRI or my mom to do it.

Kan I already said I don't want it?

Btw, I've asked the auntie so many time,

Me: Auntie, I want to ask seriously and secara jujur, if auntie help me to do my portion, will you guys or other people will talk behind? Like my mom not bothered ke apa ke
Both Aunties: We won't!!!! We want you to do it, so we will do it fo you. And siapa tahu about this? People won't know. We will send the dulang earlier to the house.

OK. I-DON'T-CARE-PEOPLE-TALK-BEHIND-ABOUT-MY-WEDDING.

It's my wedding okkk. Suka hati la nak kawen cowboy ke apa ke kan? I want it that way. Because I want it like that. I am an adult, I know what I want. Not that I am not sure or half hearted or whatever.

Anyway, I've talked to my mom also about this. My mom said buat je la as long as they are happy. And MrComot's mom being very supportive too. She said, tell your mom don't worry as it isn't me who want this, but the aunties.

Me: Ma, tanya betul2 la kan..Mmg la aunties tu cakap they won't talk behind, but kata lah later2 they said ma tak kisah and tak peduli pasal hantaran bahagian kita, mama kecik hati tak?
Mama: Kata lahh nak kata apa pun. Bukan jadi kudis kat kita pun

Wahhhhhhhhhhhh my mom sempoi habis kan??

So it is decided then. We'll do the hantaran. No, the aunties will do the hantaran. And we will not 'kacau' them at all. I mean, won't check nice or not, will not tell them how we want it to be. Alang2 they nak buat kan, let them have fun with it and saviour the moment.

And to smoothen the wound (haha over), we will not think of it as hantaran. It will be present from them to us, and a present from us to them. This is the least we can do to make everybody happy. And we'll be more happy to see them happy.


I know they meant well, but respecting other's decision should come first kan? haha emo balik.

17 comments:

  1. dear aan..
    me baca this entry dgn penuh emo ok. mcm geram je. kalau me kat tempat u, me confirm buka kitab nikah kawen & tafsir quran depan diorang sbg bukti.huhuhu...sian kakak comott *sobbing*

    btw, cayalaa mrcomot. memang best laa dia punye defend (wpun akhirnya tak dpt convince ;p) tapi really salute. machooo giler!!

    me & mrlampard akan realisasikan ur plan in our wedding ea. no worry. me sokong cakap mama u, "tak berkudis pun" *clap2* sorang lg heroin yg patut dipuji dlm entri ini..yeahh! caya la mama aan, dialog menusuk kalbu!

    ape pun sis, me doakan..semuanya berjalan lancar. ameen :)

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  2. You always cry for no apparent reason. Duh.

    Tapi apa² pun, the aunties tu melampau lah. Sukati la kn nak kawen mcm mana pun. Both of you are not their child.

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  3. rena yg malas nk sign inSeptember 8, 2008 at 3:56 PM

    hmm.. klau tau awal2 blh me tolong buatkan hantaran tu kan?
    tp x pelah aan, bukannya diorang sruh u buat ritual mandi bogel kat tasik titiwangsa pkul 4 petang on sbtu mnggu pertama bulan oct pun..

    btw, u bukan kawin dgn mr comot sorang jer dear, u r attach with all of his fmly.. so, be strong ok.

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  4. Ada ritual mandi bogel di tasik ke?

    Hmm...the aunties reminds me of my grandma la...*busan*

    Sabar Aan, sometimes unexpected things happens, that doesn't mean it will spoil the bigger plan ;)

    Lets pray for the best.

    xoxo`

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  5. aan, biasala org tua2 ni..
    susah being 1st ke, the only ke.. hmm mcm2 adat derang nak wat..
    we dont want to be against them..tp susah nak convince them.. we have our own plans, decision.. susah derang nak accept the younger generation punya ideas ni.. i pun came across the same prob dulu.. tp last2, semua kene wat.. its ADAT.. tension je makcik.. but what to do..

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  6. well, it's good to know i;m not the only one on the boat ;)

    good thing is, comot's aunties offer to do EVERYTHING for both sides. unlike urs, mine lagi nak pecah kepala. nak argue, kang kecik hati pulak altho by right it's OUR very own wedding kan. in the end, redha je la lalink. no point fisting with them, one way or another they'll still win.

    btw, tak sabar ok nak jadi photog!!!!:P

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  7. Look on the positive side: Free Hantaran!!! :D
    Seriously, it is much worse if they want u to do it urself, hehehe. Dulang hantaran je mahal gilak ok.

    Jangan sedey2 okay. :D

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  8. eeee sis geram okkk me dengar. tapi takpe biarlah si aunties tuh yg susah2 nak wat all those things kan? as long as you both getting married!

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  9. eh, since when ade ritual mandi bogel? WOWOWOWO.

    hmm, sabar lah ye kamu?

    even tho agak emo di situ, and I was kinda proud of you of wanting a simple wedding (tapaya pening2 nak beli antaran bagai OH DO SPARE ME ON APE NAK BAGI KAT LAKI YANG MEMANG TAK BANYAK CHOICE) but i guess sbb orang tua kan.

    Derang rasa tuh perlu, rasa tamau menjadi bahan bual orang kampung sgale but since derang yg offer to do it, let them.

    U just concentrate on the bigger things je and jgn stress!!
    Nanti x chomellll pengantin to be neh :)

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  10. Simple my ass.
    Hahaha.

    Tapi yes, aku dapat memahami ketidakpuasan hati kau.

    "I know they meant well, but respecting other's decision should come first kan? haha emo balik. "

    Aku cadangkan kau upah orang suruh pukul aunty tu. Aku boleh pukul sampai berkudis.

    :D

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  11. Khairiah, ameeeennn. Me jeles okkk with your wedding-to-be. Me nak macam tu sob sob. Ohhhh mmg kalah la ngan makcik2 tu. Kitaorg punya argument SEJAM okkkk.

    Asroll, exactly. Bukan anak derang but derang ni makcik tua, kenot la say straight mcm tu. Biar la derang. Ahhh btw, I AM like that, suka nanes :))

    Rena, yup attached with the family. But the parents ok je, the auntie2 yg lebih2 okkk. Hahaha me tak pernah dengar ritual tu, mmg ada ke?

    Shani, me pun teringat ur grandma :P Protocol2. The engagement pun giler drand kan hahaha

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  12. Aleeya, tu la..maybe ada hikmahnya. As long as they are happy kan..buat je la

    Bee, bagus jugak kut they menang, at least MERIAH la gambar2 me hahaha.

    Fina, that's why! Tak payah fikir2. Tapi kalau suruh kitaorg fikir pun mmg nak kena la..lagi sebulan je lagi, gila ke apa :P

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  13. A'ah Nur, yg penting kitaorg kawen lalalalalala *gatal*

    Along haha mmg betul. Susah nak fikir apa nak beli for guys okkkkkkk. Sepatutnya they do guys 3 girls get 5 hahaha.

    Imran, bila kau nak pegi pukul? Wehhh derang tu surprisingly kuat okkkk even already 70. Silap2 kau yg kena pukul :P

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  14. eloowww..ape kaitan org johor plak?
    org johor ni okkk je :P

    (wah..semangat kenegerian yg ngeri)

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  15. elo....bro pun keturunan johor jgk..sbb tu tanya....=p

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  16. no telekung, no sejadah for my wedding...
    we just bagi 7 lawan 9...

    but untill now satu kampung dok mengutuk my wedding.

    WHATEVER!!!

    "it's my WEDDING and I'll cry if I want to! cry if i'll want to! CRY if I want to!"

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