One of the days..

I had this gastric attack few weeks ago which is really weird because I've never had gastritis after my last treatment in 2006. It was very bad that I vomit every 2 hours even when there is no food in the stomach, up to an extent I thought I am pregnant!

But I know I am not, so I went to see the doctor.

It started well, telling her that I got stomach pain, been vomiting like crazy, did some pregnancy test which came out negative and suddenly I burst out crying. Right in front of the doctor.

I don't know what came into me but I just feel like crying. I feel so weak and so in pain. And I feel so hopeless because I am in pain. You got me? I hardly fell sick it the sickness is making me so upset.

Started from the stomach pain, it has become a psychology session. I am on emotional turmoil and been pouring down my life to the doctor.

I told her that I am so tired with my life right now. With all the traffic jam and all. So basically this is how our life every day.

7-am : send the kids to babysitter, go to work, reach around 830 - 1 1/2 hrs journey
working
630 pm : pickup the kids, go back home, reach at MIL's around 8pm - another 1 1/2 hrs journey
have solat, dinner, feed the kids dinner
930 pm : go back home
10 pm : readied the kids..sampai rumah je they want to play first. then brush teeth, wash up a bit, clean myself, pray and stuff, it's almost 12am before we hit the sack.

Every.single.day

Then it hits me that I am freaking tired of it.

I don't think that we have quality life anymore. I want a life where I get to be on the bed with the kids at 10pm max, read them story book, or teach them quran during maghrib. A simple life but fulfilling.

Then I even mention that I've been breastfeeding for 3 years non-stop, not that I feel it's a burden, it's just I am so tired.

I tried some multivits and supplement, but it just doesn't work.

Weekend is fine because I call up the weekly maid to clean up the house, so basically I don't do any house chores, it is just I am so tired with the weekdays routine. I want to do more in my life than being a robot, you know.

The doc keep on giving me tissue paper and smile "I understand. I've been there too. With 2 small kids"

Then the session goes on and on and she concludes that I got the gastric because I am stress! Apparently the more stress you are, the more acidic your stomach will be. Hahahaha.

Ok..so we discuss my problem, brainstorming ideas to how to tackle it, to make my life better, etc etc.

She gave me an MC for me to go shopping to wind out my mind. But I spend the whole day sleeping! How I wish I can go shopping but my stomach still hurt very much that day.

Anyway the next day, I woke up fresher than ever. I know what I want in my life now!

To get a maid!

Hahaha. Ok seriously, I am considering to have a maid. I can't afford to reach home at 10pm anymore and be a zombie.

Or maybe I should quit my job and be a full time housewife. That will be my most wanted job!!! But deep inside I still tak berani. I still want to work and make money. Sigh. I know, selfish. Double sigh.

God..show me the way!